Dear Abby: A Real Response From Glass

(Source)  Dear Abby: I am a shy, 30-year-old woman. I stay at home with our 10-month-old, primarily because of our family’s financial situation.

I am gifted in the visual arts, but because I don’t have an art degree, I’m unable to pursue a professional job in the arts. Instead, I have been advertising to teach private art lessons at home. One month in, I have one student. The past months have been lonely, and I am aching for friendship.

My husband doesn’t seem to understand this. We know one family, but we are not close. I am considering offering free lessons to their kindergartner because it would not only help me to develop professionally but also give me some adult interaction, which I desperately need.

Again, my husband doesn’t understand this, and doesn’t want me to teach this child for free. How can I make him see?

Unfulfilled Artist in Pennsylvania

Dear Artist: Your husband appears to be unusually controlling. Have you told him that the reason you want to give the family free art lessons is so you can have some much-needed adult interaction? If you haven’t, you should, rather than keep silent.

He should not be isolating you the way he appears to be, which strikes me as worrisome. Is his motivation for keeping you in the house and away from others the money or something else?

I think you should try doing what you have in mind and see how it works out. And if there are other young mothers in your area who gather so their children can socialize, perhaps you could attend and make some friendships there.

If your husband continues to be as possessive as he appears to be, consider calling the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233 for suggestions.

P.S. I encourage you to go for that degree as soon as you are financially able.

Hi Unfulfilled Artist!  You’re looking for help in all the wrong places.  Friendship will not eradicate the loneliness you’re experiencing as a stay-at-home mom.  What you really need is dick and the sooner you accept this, the sooner your aches will subside.  New dick is like Advil for the pussy and once you get it, you’ll stop complaining and be able to sleep better at night.

Listen, I get it.  You’re bored AF with life Unfilled Artist.  10-month-olds don’t do shit other than shit and you need someone else to call baby besides your baby.  Your husband is providing everything you need in life except for making you feel like a woman.  Unfortunately, he didn’t get in a position where he could be the bread winner for his family by being a damn fool.  He’s knows the instant you start socializing with other stay-at-home moms, you’ll stray.  They’ll teach you the tricks of the trade because all of these housewives mingling together are cheating whores.  He knows this and so do you.  That’s why he’s staunchly against it and why you’re aching for it.

So how do you get dick without the neighborhood whores teaching you?  Take my advice Unfulfilled Artist.  Put on your best leggings and take your infant to Starbucks around 11am a couple days a week.  The guys that can get coffee at 11am are the guys that can come and go as they please and will be more than willing to entertain you for a “long lunch meeting.”  For the love of God, don’t go to Dunkin Donuts because you don’t want the poors unable to afford real coffee inside of your “home.”  Remember…a wife that doesn’t gossip about her infidelities with the other floozies living on the street is a wife worth keeping.  This is how a respectful wife goes about getting dick’d down on the side.  Be a respectful wife and get yours without the assistance of the Real Housewives of Bumfuck Pennsylvania.

As for your artwork…you’re not talented.  Hate to break it to you sister, but talented artists don’t waste their time teaching kindergartners.  Claude Monet didn’t spend his days handing out coloring books to 5-yr-olds and instructing them to keep their crayons within the lines.  Don’t waste your husband’s money pursuing a degree you won’t get any worth out of.  Take his money and buy sexy lingerie for the side piece you ordered at Starbucks.

Warm Regards!

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